London was amazing. I always forget that I once lived there, thou it was for only a year & I did not in my teenage wisdom participate it all it has to offer. I experienced a huge desire to live there for a very short while and participate in everything the city has to offer, the anti iraqu campsite outside the houses of parliment, the free plays, the art exhibitions, the complete fecking vibrancy living in a city brings. Being there was so totally exciting , amazing architecture mixed with 1960s buildings. Adoring the faux Dahli sculpture dotted around the south bank, and the amazing photo Daniel almost took of the human statue chatting to his friend on a "break", it was quite surreal.
My biggest thrill was actually being able to walk legitimately into/through/and past Westminster Abbey and not be arrested (you know what I am talking about those who know).
I walked 40 mins from where I was staying to Westminster and felt the city smegginess surrounding me, I did not want a ciggie and was very obviously excited to be in this huge potentiality, where I could join in with any art, desire, design I wanted. The feeling of being part of something greater than yourself is very tangible, and in a totally different way than when I go home to the huge sand dunes and mile long empty beaches, it was a feeling of being totally alone amongst a huge mass. This in itself is - to me - quite scary. I want to feel alone when I am the only person on Rossbeigh beach in the middle of a storm in November. I don't necessarily want to feel alone in the middle of London in a huge storm of people towards the end of March.
I had a great chat with Karin and am amazed at how easy it is to totally adore people for just being them and how much one can learn. I am very pleased to say that I am growing more and more as a human. At least I think I am..............
You may or may not be glad to hear at this stage that I am still feeling very horny. This is not good, voluptuous women rarely get a look in, never mind in a city filled with stickwomen, even less so in a county filled with the ten to one-ers.
It has been a very full few days filled with a huge amount of revelations, work and personal wise. I have not had time to reflect on this and am sure when I do will appear with some profound bullshit. such as
"something very profound and meaningful, how things will be different now I have discovered this"
Thursday 29 March 2007
Tuesday 27 March 2007
parties and sex and stuff
Why is it that I feel a zillion times hornier after sex (as in a day or so later) than I did before the sex happenned ?
Went to a great party over the weekend, lovely to see so many amazing friends, make new ones, and I missed the ones that weren't there. It was the usual dancing till dawn affair in the middle of nowhere and sleeping in cars (or not sleeping in OBs van in my case). I spent ALL sunday asleep in my own leaba (irish for bed) recovering from late night and excess.
now am zinging off to London for a conference tomorrow and then to Bath for a team thingy on Thursday.
A thousand things whrirring around my head.
Big quetion of the day, why do I feel hornier now than I did on Friday afternoon ? does this happen to everyone ?
Had huge discussion with OB and hippy Rich about the unconscious progress one makes as one gets older - it was commented on that I was not nearly as obnoxious as I usuall am dispite similar levals of consumption of goodies. is this because I am happy with myself and where I am getting to personally ? Is this because I no longer feel threatened by the other party participants ?
found out today a friend of mine is getting married in 3 weeks time after only knowing her future husband for a week - does this really happen ? obviously so, but it perplexes me.
am excited about london and looking forward to the mass - the crowds, the noise, the confusion.
My daughter's father is coming to "Tea" on Saturday. I've only seen him briefly once in 6 years, and this will be the first time he has been to this home. She invited him thinking I would not be around, and now I don't want to be there and resent having to vacate my home, although realise it is her home too. I don't particularly wish to see him and am thrilled that she has this new and developing relationship with him.
The overarching theme of the day however must be horniness !
London adventures await, mabye followed by a text to OB to get my earrings and knickers back !!!
Went to a great party over the weekend, lovely to see so many amazing friends, make new ones, and I missed the ones that weren't there. It was the usual dancing till dawn affair in the middle of nowhere and sleeping in cars (or not sleeping in OBs van in my case). I spent ALL sunday asleep in my own leaba (irish for bed) recovering from late night and excess.
now am zinging off to London for a conference tomorrow and then to Bath for a team thingy on Thursday.
A thousand things whrirring around my head.
Big quetion of the day, why do I feel hornier now than I did on Friday afternoon ? does this happen to everyone ?
Had huge discussion with OB and hippy Rich about the unconscious progress one makes as one gets older - it was commented on that I was not nearly as obnoxious as I usuall am dispite similar levals of consumption of goodies. is this because I am happy with myself and where I am getting to personally ? Is this because I no longer feel threatened by the other party participants ?
found out today a friend of mine is getting married in 3 weeks time after only knowing her future husband for a week - does this really happen ? obviously so, but it perplexes me.
am excited about london and looking forward to the mass - the crowds, the noise, the confusion.
My daughter's father is coming to "Tea" on Saturday. I've only seen him briefly once in 6 years, and this will be the first time he has been to this home. She invited him thinking I would not be around, and now I don't want to be there and resent having to vacate my home, although realise it is her home too. I don't particularly wish to see him and am thrilled that she has this new and developing relationship with him.
The overarching theme of the day however must be horniness !
London adventures await, mabye followed by a text to OB to get my earrings and knickers back !!!
Monday 19 March 2007
Phew, thats better!
What is so interesting is how ones mood and outlook can be affected by 101 different things. Working in the depths of Cornwall when the rest of my team are over 170 miles away sure makes it difficult some times. I am very lucky to work with a very supportive group of people who allowed me to explain my concerns and worries and have been brilliant supporting me throught this doldrum. Things are now getting back on track - horray !
I have rediscovered the benefits of a good nights sleep based on a mug of herbal tea/relaxing lavender bath. The sun has been out and I have been allowing myself long walks on the almost deserted beach 5 mins away from my home. And thanks to my amazing wonderful friends surrounded myself with good honest people.
The past few weeks have been busy busy busy, lots of trips for work away from Cornwall which has meant lots of time spent driving or on the train = time for relfection and a much needed kick up the arse. 6 nations rugby has given me a chance to shout and scream myself very hoarse and loving paitience from my loving family has made things back on form.
The thing with living somewhere so rural and isolated is that at times it is just that - rural and isolated. The nearest Art Gallery, live music, decent film, night out (and not going to friends with a bottle of wine) means travelling, effort and money. It's worth it once you get there (last night a trip to the pub, and then cinema to see "Perfume, the story of a murderer" was brilliant, but a 45 + minute drive). At times I crave the accessability of living somewhere more cosmopolitian and at times, I adore being able to sit in my garden in the sun drinking tea with hippy Rich or whomever pops by. This skitzophrenia I feel could well be addressed by my plans for world domination once BDFH (Bi**h Daughter from Hell) leaves and I take off on my travels.
TTFN
R
I have rediscovered the benefits of a good nights sleep based on a mug of herbal tea/relaxing lavender bath. The sun has been out and I have been allowing myself long walks on the almost deserted beach 5 mins away from my home. And thanks to my amazing wonderful friends surrounded myself with good honest people.
The past few weeks have been busy busy busy, lots of trips for work away from Cornwall which has meant lots of time spent driving or on the train = time for relfection and a much needed kick up the arse. 6 nations rugby has given me a chance to shout and scream myself very hoarse and loving paitience from my loving family has made things back on form.
The thing with living somewhere so rural and isolated is that at times it is just that - rural and isolated. The nearest Art Gallery, live music, decent film, night out (and not going to friends with a bottle of wine) means travelling, effort and money. It's worth it once you get there (last night a trip to the pub, and then cinema to see "Perfume, the story of a murderer" was brilliant, but a 45 + minute drive). At times I crave the accessability of living somewhere more cosmopolitian and at times, I adore being able to sit in my garden in the sun drinking tea with hippy Rich or whomever pops by. This skitzophrenia I feel could well be addressed by my plans for world domination once BDFH (Bi**h Daughter from Hell) leaves and I take off on my travels.
TTFN
R
Monday 5 March 2007
ARGH
Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh. life is so crap, shite and uccie. I have no motivation, impetus to acheive anything, am picking fights with friends, and being all round miserable. I always get like this when I have been home, this time it is worse than ever before. Nothing is cheering me up, not getting top marks in my observation today, not being chatted up by someone 17 years younger than me at the weekend, not getting a surprise cheque in the post, not seeing primroses in my garden or having a house full of daffodils.
I am trying very hard to shake myself out of this - fingers crossed.
I am trying very hard to shake myself out of this - fingers crossed.
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